I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
