I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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