All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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