Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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