After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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