My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
