The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
