My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
