he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
