my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
