i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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