I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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