tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
