actually, I'm a sock model
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
