We won't sleep together?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize