she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
