Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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