Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
