My hair reeks of homosexuality.
thus making me awesome and them whores
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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