I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
