btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
