really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
