drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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