The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
