We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
