The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
