I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
