Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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