so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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