Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
