Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
