Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
