Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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