Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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