I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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