i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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