I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
