I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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