You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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