I wish I could teleport
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
