dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
