the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
