Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
