I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
