Can Purell be used as lube?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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