saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
