I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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