Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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