K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
