Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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